Book Review: The Happiness Project

Okay, this isn't a book review. I'll take the pressure of myself and just call it 'my thoughts on happiness.' (Calling it a book review makes me feel inadequate and strangely speechless.)

I'm not a girl who is apt to give flowery adulations to anything without inserting also my complaints. (You can imagine how well this lends itself in relationships.) Rest at ease, I consider this a character flaw in myself and am at present making good faith efforts to fix it. I'll prove it. This is all I have to say about the book, The Happiness Project: It was well worth my time to read, gave me thoughts and ideas that yielded long hours of introspection, and I believe I am better for having read it.

If you haven't heard about this book, this is it in a nutshell: A highly educated woman (married with two children and living in New York) sets forth to see if she can make herself feel happier- elevated from the state of already fairly happy- by strategically focusing on doing certain things each month. She records her experience and offers her suggestions and perspective.

Finishing this book, I imagined what my own happiness project would look like. As I did so, I realized I'm playing by a slightly different set of rules to happiness than Gretchen Rubin simply because of my religious beliefs. In pursuit of happiness, I am actually in pursuit of worthiness.

Last week, as I was preparing for church on Sunday, I read in the George Albert Smith manual the following statement: "The happiest men and women that you know in the world are those who are conforming their lives to the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ." Please try not to gasp, BUT... I don't even know how to put this... I don't know this is true. I know a lot of very, very happy people who are not conforming their lives to the gospel and I know many who are and are quite miserable. I do believe that ultimately, those who follow God's plan will enjoy the greatest happiness. I just don't believe that it is apparent while we're living. (I imagine myself reading this post a few months down the road and wanting to edit it because I've developed a whole new perspective. Oh, well. As of today, it stands.)

I've had this epiphany several times in my life- that it is exactly because I believe what I believe and want what I want that being happy sometimes eludes me. The most obvious example: I am alone and struggle with feelings of unfulfillment consistently. I am sure these feelings would choke me less if I didn't believe in and desire most to be a wife and mother. (Why do I feel embarrassed writing this down.) Or would I be as harrowed up by my blaring imperfections as I am if I were not in pursuit of 'conforming my life to the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ.' I feel self-conscious, grief, disappointment, discouragement in this pursuit. Not high-flying, endorphin-surging, overwhelming happiness. Am I the only one?

Don't misunderstand me. I don't fantasize about letting go of my religion and living unencumbered by these "rigid rules and commandments." Being better is my passion and hobby. What else could force me to devote an entire weekend day to it and pull me to my knees daily for it? I don't want you to respond with encouraging examples of the ways that living the gospel saves me from the trials in the world. I get that I'm avoiding lung cancer by not smoking and STDs by not having sex.

What does John 15:2 mean? "Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away; and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit." Jill Davis suggested this means that those who do good are added upon with trials to be better. This makes sense. Nobody I know that runs is running to stay average. Everyone is yearning for the next step and the time when their body can do more, push harder, be stronger. So we increase our workload by degrees.

A friend explained that he had a mission companion who believed that a person could always be happy and tried in his way to live somewhat of a "Pollyanna" existence. But, my friend pointed out, even Christ was "a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief" and these feelings are in the plan for us.Is this a discouraging thought? It can be, but I'm also aware that "the pain now is part of the happiness later." Later isn't only referring to eternity. It's referring to greater measures of happiness in this life.

Is hope the same as happiness? I believe I have a brighter hope than my non-member friends. Especially in terms of my expectations for marital relationships and family. I actually feel bummed out sometimes listening to them talk about dating. It seems so shallow and empty to me. They hope for so little. My hope is so bright because of my beliefs. (I mean seriously, my hope is eventual Godhood... what is brighter than that?)

While I confess to bouts of sadness and occasional tears, I anxiously report that generally I feel exquisitely happiness. It's grown since I moved to Salt Lake (mostly because of the many friends I've made and the little life I've carved out for myself here.)