Bleeding for Love

It’s been some time since I’ve logged on to my blog. It’s been a nice break. But I miss writing so here I am again. I took a writing class in college (which- come to think of it- everyone takes a writing class if they go to college) and I remember the teacher explaining how you need to “let yourself bleed onto the paper.” What I think she was getting at is we need to reveal ourselves in our writing- we need to be honest- for it to be good... for it to be at all enjoyable (or enlightening) for the reader. I think that’s why I haven’t been blogging. Bleeding on my blog is just too revealing; I haven’t been up to spilling on here all the things that have been going on... all the things I’ve been feeling.

I recently discussed with my roommates how every time I recall bawling in front of them the night the earthquake/tsunami hit Japan, I emotionally feel the same as though I were recalling being naked in front of a crowd... I feel all exposed and uncomfortable; I feel embarrassed. And it’s kind of funny to me that in complete honesty, I really feel so awkward to have lost it in front of them like I did. It makes total sense that I did! And I think they totally understand that! Nevertheless, it has still left me feeling stripped naked.

Blogging sometimes does that to me. In a moment, I say so much. I bleed on here. And later, I wonder why I posted my vulnerability. But somehow, it is always the thing that I come back to write about.

So, I’m reading a romantic fiction right now and I’m just a few pages until the end. The main character, Ashley, holds back a lot in her dating relationship and her love interest, Matt, has a really hard time finagling her to let him in. (That’s, of course, the CliffsNotes to the CliffsNotes version.) Although I felt a little exasperated while reading it by how simplistic her trouble is (that is, the ‘why’ behind her holding back), I couldn’t help but identify with Ashley because this was the complaint/grievance I got from “the last one.” That I hold back... and hold back... and hold back. I’m only saying this because I’m asserting that what is true in writing must be true in relationships. You have to bleed before the other for emotional closeness. I’ve never really thought about it this way.