The YSA Mormon Dance Party

Oh, bother. I did it again. I went to a "YSA Mormon Dance Party" with expectations. Do these parties only attract the dregs of this YSA Mormon demographic? Creepidy, creepo boys who are so aggressive as to ask if you want to "make-out" shortly after meeting you on the dance floor? Whaaaaat? I am Mormon and so are you! Do you know what that means?

I have NO TOLERANCE for vulgar dancing among Latter-day Saints. I am entirely impatient with that common attitude of "let's be raunchy and dance like common riff raff and then laugh it away because we all know we aren't really supposed to dance like that and I obviously wouldn't dance that way seriously. " The laugh at the end of the griding sequence supposedly washes people from the guilt of the immoral action. It seems like my sensitivity and embarrassment in these situations increases as time progresses and I mature. I don't understand it at all. Who are we?

The "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet says:

"Music is an important and powerful part of life. It can be an influence for good that helps you draw closer to Heavenly Father. However, it can also be used for wicked purposes. Unworthy music may seem harmless, but it can have evil effects on your mind and spirit.
Choose carefully the music you listen to. Pay attention to how you feel when you are listening. Don’t listen to music that drives away the Spirit, encourages mmorality, glorifies violence, uses foul or offensive language, or promotes Satanism or other evil practices.
Dancing can be fun and can provide an opportunity to meet new people. However, it too can be misused. When dancing, avoid full body contact with your partner. Do not use positions or moves that are suggestive of sexual behavior. Plan and attend dances where dress, grooming, lighting, lyrics, and music contribute to a wholesome atmosphere where the Spirit of the Lord may be present."

It seems like it should be easy to keep these standards when we are meeting together as associations through the church (whereas it would be understandably more difficult to keep these standards when among less enlightened people.)

I was so irritated tonight by one young man who, though good looking, couldn't have been less attractive to me. He kept trying to pull me into him and when he understood I would have none of it, he moved on to my friends around me, who humored and indulged him much more than I was willing. He buzzed around us the rest of the night like an irritating gnat, intent on demonstrating his sexual prowess. When the dance came to an end (after an exceptionally raunchy closing song punctuated by a young woman showcasing dancing that was exceptionally inappropriate to the hoots and hollers of many guys I knew had served missions and were active members) this gnat of a boy yelled out "CLOSING PRAYER!" Everyone laughed. That was funny because a prayer after that dance would have been sooo inconsistant with the spirit of the party. Sad.

I'm 26. I understand that things that used to be fun to me aren't anymore. But this trend is more than that. It reveals an attitude the horrifies me. And what comes to mind is the scene from Kate and Leopold when Hugh Jackman (playing, Leopold, a proper Englishman who had been time warped into modern day) is disgusted by the advances of Kate's dinner date. He warns Kate (played by Meg Ryan) in advance that "His (her date's) intentions are obvious (and dishonorable)" and that she will "require a chaperon." Kate forbears. Leopold, however, follows Kate to dinner anyway and joins them at their table. After tolerating the roguish conversation and attitude of Kate's date J.J., Leopold can take no more and to J.J. says, "Some feel that to court a woman in one's employ is nothing more than a serpentine effort to transform a lady to a whore (calling J.J. a serpent)... No, not a serpent. That's too grand a word. Simply a braggart and a cad." Ain't it the truth! This punk at the dance who so obviously was intent on "hooking up" with someone was actually intent on transforming a seemingly virtuous lady into a whore. What kind of man would do this? What kind of man doesn't work to protect the virtue of a woman? What kind of man?! And then comes to mind Margaret D. Nadauld's oft quoted talk from "The Joy of Womanhood":

Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women
who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are
coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.

I've been teaching the gospel to a friend of mine and she is really taking to it. It's wonderful to share something with a person I admire and see them respond so positively and with such excitement. Recently she shared a concern with me about "Mormon guys" she has met. She said, "They seem just a little bit more feminine than guys in general." I have never heard this before. And after digging a little deeper, I learned that she was defining feminine as someone who isn't vulgar toward women/someone who doesn't openly talk about sexual subjects. I explained to her why a Mormon man wouldn't have those attributes and that just because he doesn't speak openly about sexual desires, he definitely has them. He just reverences them enough not to make light of them. After thinking about it later, I was saddened by her definition of these guys as "feminine" because the "new masculine" includes attitudes and behaviors I see as irreverent and vulgar. Imagine one of these upright Mormon guys my friend has met on a reality T.V. show. I wonder if the world would attach the word "feminine" to them also. This new masculine concerns me because it isn't masculine at all. It is the opposite. And I wonder if these guys I get so disgusted with at dances are falling into the worlds perspective of what defines masculinity.

In talking with a friend about "the break-in" last week, I explained that I've demoted the experience to a severe and extraordinary anxiety-attack. Her response enlightened me and was somewhere along these lines: Fear is gift to protect you from horrible situations. We're inclined to talk ourselves out of fear that really should be responded to instead of quieted. You did the right thing by responding to the information that you had. You don't know what may have happened if you stayed in the house or didn't scream, etc.

Where I was going with this story is that it's easy to talk ourselves out of proper and beneficial emotional and spiritual responses to things. For example, when I'm at a dance party and the music is raunchy I explain to myself that I'm young and out meeting people and we all turn a blind-eye to the inappropriate parts of this atmosphere because this is what cool people do and this is where I'll meet cool people. The first gut reaction was the right reaction: Something is definitely wrong.

That being said, I pledge to never return to one of these dances again and to forever let go of all inappropriate dance moves. I love swing dancing and it is appropriate and accompanied by appropriate music 99.9% of the time. So, that's all the dancing I need. That's all. I'm done venting.