why it's okay that I don't go to institute

I've lost my ability to socialize... No, that's not it. *pause* Ahem. I've lost my ability to enjoy socializing with little kids. By little kids, I mean the youngsters; the little boppers of the YSA community. Let's flashback to 2002, Sunday Relief Society meeting in the Richards Building on BYU campus. *harp glissando*

Me: "Oh my gosh, Becky, look at that chick! She's so old! She looks like one of those bald guys girlfriends. Who understands
those bald guys? They only talk to her because she looks like a total grandma. I mean her age. It's just so big. I can't believe
she's so old. She just sticks out here. I mean, it's gross. Look, she's just so...."

Okay, I wasn't that harsh. But I did raise an eyebrow to those girls that always seemed so disinterested in us fun girls of the ward- us young ones. "Those older girls," I thought, "must be jealous. They just need to stop being so bitter and have fun and giggle obnoxiously with the rest of us." But I get it now; six years later I get it! And to you who I misjudged, I'm sorry. I now understand why it was so painful for you to socialize with me. We had nothing in common. You were cool. I was an idiot... incomprehensibly annoying. Why would you want to join in the endless flirtations and twittering between the new RM's? They still needed reminders to wear deoderant! And they were like six years younger than you, right? I'm so sorry. Why didn't I understand. You didn't want to know what he was majoring in. You wanted to know how much money he was making. You didn't want to come on group dates up at Nunn's Park. You wanted to go park up at Squaw Peak. You're a good girl even though you indulge in a sleeveless shirt on Saturdays. You don't have to wear Shade clothes all the time.

I've spent so much time feeling guilty for not enjoying YSA social functions. As time goes on, it becomes more and more difficult for me to enjoy these activities. I have wondered if it means I'm less spiritual. But now I'm suspicious that it has more to do with me not connecting with the average YSAer secondary to being in a different spot in life than those young excited and hopeful ones. I'm jaded with life experience. But it's okay. I'm outgrowing this stage. It's time to buy a new pair of shoes. Shoes. I'm in the market for shoes.