What We Don't Remember

In 1998, California passed proposition 10 which put a 50 cent tax on every pack of cigarettes sold to create "First 5 California," a holistic approach to fostering proper development in children. This program is aimed at promoting physical well-being and motor development, positive social and emotional development, etc. From the "First 5 California" web page (http://first5california.com/), it reads:

Research tells us that children's brains grow the fastest during the first five years of life, so it's important to nurture, read to and play with them to help them get the best possible start in school and in life.

Lately, I've noticed so many buses and billboards in LA with advertisements promoted by First 5 that remind parents to feed children properly, to give children attention, and so on. First 5. First 5. First 5. It's everywhere. And so it got me thinking how ironic it is that a period in our lives of which we have almost no memory of whatsoever bares such an impact on us. Isn't that ironic? ...a time in our lives in which we are entirely dependant on the care of someone else. So that was my first epiphany: We are shaped by things we don't remember.

Which leads me to this story. Just this week authorities found and arrested a man accused (AND GUILTY AS O.J.!) of beating to death his ex-girlfriend's 6-year-old son. This story makes me sick because from birth, it seems this little boy, Dae'von Bailey, was fighting a loosing battle. Officers were called to the boy's residence by a friend of the accused (who remains unidentified). When they arrived, rigor mortis had already set in and no one was home. (I learned on the radio that the boy's little sister was at the home during the event and was left there for an hour alone with her brother's dead body.)

Police said the boy had unexplained injuries on his body that suggested trauma over an extended period of time (i.e. large bruises in different stages of healing). The County Department of Children and Family Services got about a dozen tips about possible abuse involving the boy, but left the child in Fisher's care. Documents showed in April that the boy told adults at school that Fisher abused him and twice received medical care in the months before he was killed. Police said the boy had reported (Yes, a SIX-YEAR-OLD reported abuse and nothing was done!) alleged abuse by the suspect to school officials, and those officials in turn told the Department of Children and Family Services about the situation. But Fisher denied the abuse claims and social workers let the child remain with him.

Further, the boy's mother had a long history of violence and abuse against children reaching back to before Dae'von's birth. This poor kid, right? I know a lot of kids are born into the school of hard knocks but this is beyond that. It's more than something I can shrug my shoulders at and say "life is hard." Yes, life is hard. But does it have to be that tragic?! Had he survived, what would those traumatic experiences have done to the rest of his life? What about his sister who witnessed it all? How have her emotional responses changed by what she has experienced? Will she even remember the event or just suffer the emotional damages it caused her?

And what about before the first five years of our life, what was there? Pre-mortal life. And we know that the experiences we had then shape who we are now. We know we had at least one traumatic experience, a great war in which we lost people we knew and loved personally. So, maybe that has all shaped us to some degree also. ...I'm getting to a point.

Us red-heads require about 20% more anesthesia than other people. Red-heads, on average, have more frequent sexual activity. (SOooo, that's cool, right?) Just in general, it seems red-heads have a more active sensory system. Genetically, I can't change that I'm more sensitive. Some people have diseases in which they can't be touched without feeling pain. But you can't very well tell them to stop being so sensitive. They just hurt! It requires other people to adjust to their condition. So what about emotional sensitivity? Isn't it experience that shapes this? How much control do we have over how things make us feel? Of course, with effort and help, emotional damage can be repaired and balance can be won... I guess... I was just thinking. I think I'm on to something.