He's being a JERK!

I love getting together with my girlfriends after some 'giant male organ' has done something that escapes our capacity to understand: "He did what?! Are you serious? What was he thinking? He hasn't called you?" It goes on and on. Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrel worked out a solution to this problem in the movie Bewitched: http://www.rpmswavs.com/bewitched/jerk.wav The Solution: Call him out. Notify. Alert. Ring the bells and blow the whistles. If a man is being a jerk, it must mean that he doesn't recognize his behavior as such. Revealing this to him will facilitate a behavior change. (Maybe we should employ those rape whistles we have dangling off our key chains as jerk whistles. Should you find yourself in the claws of a jerkist, pull out the whistle and blow.) However, this technique would be useless if the man had little concern for your feelings, or rather more concern for his: "A whistle. She's hurting. Proceed with my jerkish behaviors."

With good luck, I've managed to escape relationships with the idiots I hear about from friends and associates. The majority of my relationships have been with men who have treated me respectfully and kindly. And as I watch these male-bashing chick-flicks, something in me feels uneasy about justifiably jumping on that "I hate men" bandwagon. It's guilt about my own crazy behaviors I can't explain. It's common knowledge the women are a little crazy. Men complain that they don't understand us. I empathize with them but honestly, I'm a women and I don't understand myself... so, I'm done feeling sorry for you. At least you find refuge in knowing exactly why you do all the messed up things that you do. I have no clue. But I don't want to be a jerk.

What defines a jerk? When am I the jerk? (YES! I'm recognizing a weakness. I'm not always innocent in this dating game. Sometimes I don't consider feelings.) Define jerk, Webster.

A contemptibly naive, fatuous, foolish, or inconsequential person.

This definition won't do. A jerk is someone who considers their own feelings incessantly and only gives token attention to the feelings of the other party involved. So, a person who is self-important is likely to exhibit jerk-like behaviors; the self-centered, "me, me, me, me, me" type. Where do these jerks come from? What kind of person shrugs their shoulders at a pierced and bleeding heart without vowing to do all they can to allow the heart to heal? This person is insecure. This person is indecisive. This person has a warped perception of reality. It's too late for me to go into this profile. I don't have all the answers. So, in closing I'll confess that I have- at times- been the jerk. I have held on when I should have let go. I have rushed in when I should have held back. I have led on when I felt little. And disguised honest loving feelings when I should have offered them up. (I've been dating... real dating... for eight solid years! Don't judge.) And now, I'm looking for feedback for all those jerks who need help. How do you rehabilitate a jerk?