Armadillo

It is very difficult to conduct ourselves contrary to what we're feeling. Especially the intense and fresh emotions. It seems cruel that anyone could be asked and expected to do this. But I find myself in this position. My heart feels soooo much. And on one hand, it is a comfort to be able to feel so deeply; on the other hand, it is a source of fear that perhaps this propensity to form seemingly cement-sealed attachments is an oddity and handicap. Or fear that I may have to battle these feelings for a much longer period of time than I imagine I can bare.

This last week... well, the last eleven days have been instructive. I have experienced feelings I didn't expect; even feelings that I did not have the capacity to imagine. Hope and faith made a home in me and my heart anxiously accepted their company. So desperate for them to stay, she turned away all challenging visitors that might bring heartache or pain. I felt impervious to doubt and regret.

But last night the little rascals came to do battle. And I take time wondering if I should let them in. Why do I question? They are so persuasive. The imagery of Theodore Roosevelt's description of an armadillo he encountered in the Brazilian wilderness comes to my mind: "fast, armoured, and focused on a safe haven." (Theodore Roosevelt. Through the Brazilian Wilderness. 1914.) I think I need to adopt those armadillo qualities for myself.

Fast: With what you have decided is the right move, make it and make it immediately.

Armoured: Seek out and hold on to truth and defend yourself with it. Moroni 7: 13 "But behold, that which is of God invited and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God."

Focused on a safe haven: Set your sight on the temple and do whatever you must to get there.

In matters of survival, our emotions and feelings are usually "a poorly trained foot soldier." Faith seems to always come through. Though fear can incapacitate us, and is sure to show its face from time to time, faith is the true enabling power and faith is almost always a verb. That being said, I think I'll be okay. (That was and awkwardly abrupt end to this post.... hmmmm.)